thoughtcrumbs : january 2000

Attila the Hun with a cinnamon bun

Whimsical poppy piano songstress Nellie McKay will be playing with whimsical folky guitarist Josh Rouse at the Aladdin on Thursday. Nellie, whose lyrics defy the stultified logic of those of us stuck at desk jobs all day (the title of this post describes her boss), has an excellent live set archived at Morning Becomes Eclectic. And the following night, Damien Rice will rock the Roseland. Damien also recently appeared on MBE, discussing his favorite artists such as Radiohead, Leonard Cohen, and Nina Simone. Sadly, I'll be out of town for both shows, so my Portland friends, stand in the front row and grin goofily for me, will you?

Oodles of love for my web host

Dreamhost has hosted this website for three years, and I've got nothing but love for them. They frequently plop free goodies in the laps of their customers (three hundred extra megs of storage here, twenty more subdomains there, anybody want streaming Quicktime?). Not only do they have excellent response time, they have a human voice -- I actually look forward to the monthly newsletter, wherein our hero, the robot- and monkey-obsessed Josh palavers about new features and how they fit into the pop culture zeitgeist.

Yesterday, a DOS attack brought the network down for a full day, something that's never happened since I've been a customer. Things are stable again now, and they sent out a full explanation earlier today, detailing changes that will prevent this sort of thing in the future. It was a lot like the time Blogger was hacked; in both cases a serious problem was fixed relatively quickly and explained clearly. Kudos to both companies.

Fat chords beat sixteenth notes

Sixteen German violinists are petitioning their labor board for a pay raise, based on the fact that they play more notes per piece than other musicians. After debating a surcharge per sixteenth note, they eventually agreed to demand a flat fee. From my experience playing the piano for the Guam Symphony, I'd say the pianist easily vies for the most-notes crown -- those fat chords can have eight notes each. But, if we're handing out bonuses, maybe the bass and tuba players should charge for extra instrument weight. Or the woodwind players could get an ick-factor allowance for having to empty their spit valves. (Hear the full story on NPR)

Frozen old men

While not as captivating as its predecessor, Cryptonomicon, Quicksilver has ample passages that demonstrate the droll prolixity of its author, like this one, about an icy standoff between two official retinues too obsessed with formal posture to stand down:

"Wee drifts of wind-skimming snow had already parenthesized the cherry-red platform soles of the French delegation's boots, and inch-long snotcicles had grown from the moustaches of the English delegation."

Boobs are good for the economy

Bryce calculates that by expanding its chain here, Hooters could reduce Oregon's unemployment rate by 0.1%. Shouldn't our state legislators show some appreciation, perhaps by donning Hooters shirts at their next session?

Adrift

Mimi Smartypants on blogger's block:

Now the week has gotten away from me and I have not updated, and I have all these crazy thoughts. But whenever I have gone too long without posting I feel weirdly nervous, and when I get nervous I stick to the to the straight whowhatwherewhenwhy recap, narrative being the rubber raft we cling to when we are shipwrecked on the textual ocean, and the brutal Blinking Cursor is beating down on us like the sun, and also on the raft is that one guy who drank seawater and now he is ranting and loony and the rest of us are all looking at each other and silently agreeing to eat him.

A note to our shareholders

The editors of ConsideredDesign.com regret the complete dearth of posts over the last two months. We have taken appropriate action: firing the responsible parties, beating them moderately, then smearing them with vienna sausage brine and jettisoning their bodies off the coast of Guam's Ypao Beach. Any writers not mauled by clownfish will be welcome to resume their post here at a significant pay cut.

CHI 2004 in Vienna

I'll be presenting a paper quantifying the uselessness of banner ads at CHI in Vienna next month with some colleagues from the University of Oregon and Lewis & Clark. In short, we proved that animated ads are distracting and people don't remember them anyway. Banner ads are rather passé now, but they were ubiquitous when I started the research three years ago, and the principles apply to the equally insidious skyscraper and middle-of-the-paragraph ads still appearing on otherwise respectable sites like NYTimes.com.

If you'll be at the conference, leave me a message on the board -- I'm looking for dinner companions! Especially ones who can do more than count to ten in German, like me.

Send in the Marines

Ever snarky Brad implores the president to send troops to cities like mine (Portland) to stop gay marriages. A constitutional amendment is just too much bother:

President Kennedy did it in 1963. He federalized the National Guard in Alabama to make damn sure the University there would let black folks attend classes.

OK, sorry, that's probably a bad example. I know a bit about electoral politics and I'm nothing if not pragmatic. I guess you really can't be seen to be following the example of a beloved liberal icon like Kennedy, even in the cause of ensuring justice and the rule of law. And I know you aren't fond of working with the National Guard.